Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You need Xanax blowdarts
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
