As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Randomize
