idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
