ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
