After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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