We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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