wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
