I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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