I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
