First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
