i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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