no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
