i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
