I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
