I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
