Where is the hickey?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
