last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he shaved USA in his pubs
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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