I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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