she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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