God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
