she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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