We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
