did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
