Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
