Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
