She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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