PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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