Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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