Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
