so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
