Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
