those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
