Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
