Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
