i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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