I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
only if we run a train.
done.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
