Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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