Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
