Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
