he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Come see our sink grown plant.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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