How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
