Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
