This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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