I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
