What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
