very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
