apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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