worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
