dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
