If that was your dad, he is hot
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
