i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
this boner is exhausting
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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