Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
