WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
