so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
